Twitter Rule Book

Twitter is something similar to fight club.
There are rules. Unspoken rules.

1. Use a pic for your avatar. I don't like to tweet to a brown avatar that looks like lopsided boobs.
   
   
2. Fill out your damn bio. How hard is this? Really? Do it. Do it now if it is not already done.
   
   
3. Tweet about what ever YOU want. Who cares if you lose followers. Eventually, you will find your crowd. Twitter is a tool for you to use. Not a tool to use you.
   
   
4. If you do not describe the link, I am not clicking. Just sayin'.
   
   
5. Hashtags: Get to know them. Use them. They are effective search tools.
   
   
6. Twitter search: Having a hard time knowing what @so-so just LOL'd at @youraveragejoe? Throw both names into the Twitter search. Voila. Story line found.
   
   
7. Read a person's timeline. Don't ask questions they have already answered in their timeline.
   
   
8. Following 2000 but have 43 following back? Looks like spam. Tastes like spam. Probably is spam. Do NOT follow back. Do NOT collect $200. Do NOT pass 'Go'. Move on.
   
   
9. Feel free to get personal but do not get creepy. There is an invisible line. Watch for it.
   
   
10. You do NOT have to reply to EVERY single dingle @reply. Reply, yes, but sometimes, you just get flooded with replies. Do not feel bad if you don't reply. Conversely, do NOT feel bad if your @reply is not answered.
    
    
11. Twitter Trends: They beat Google hands down for relevant information. Google takes days to add key searches to it's search results. Use Twitter search. Get used to it.
    
    
12. Love the "small guy" that doesn't have a lot of followers but is trying to get the hang of Twitter. We all started somewhere, right?
    
    
13. #12 brings me to number #13. Be humble but be a rock star. Tweet, post, whatever you want to call it, but act like you are talking to thousands. Confidence is beautiful but thank others and be grateful.
    
    
14. Explore other social networks like Blip, BrightKite, TwitPic, etc. They give ppl an added window into your life which may or may NOT be interesting. We will be the 'judge' of that.
    
    
15. Tell us what you ate for lunch. We DO care. Don't just say ..."pastami on rye" tho. We will be bored beyond our Fail Whale gills. Make it interesting.
    
    
16. Fail Whale? Learn the Fail Whale. She is cute. She will visit you, often. When Twitter is "over capacity" you will see a silly whale that is trying to be hoisted by lots of lil birds. Eh, just hit F5.
    
    
17. #TwitterFight: It is bound to happen. Some ppl just get into lil scoffs. Do not be frightened by them. It is healthy for one to stand their ground. Do this. Stand your ground. As long as you feel you are in the right.
    
    
18. @reply to 'strangers' or celebs. You never know, you may be answered. I have. You will too.
    
    
19. Learn the 'art of DM': DMs or direct messages are like Twitter email. Some convo's should be private. Take those to DM.
    
    
20. Read Twitter "how to 'this or that'..." that ppl post AND seek some out on the WWW on your own. Learn them. Apply. 'Nuff said.
    
    
21. Go ahead, 'score' 'grade' 'annalyze' your acct with 3rd party sources. Just do NOT tweet about it. Really, I do not care how many followers you lost or gained. Surely, I do not want to read it TWICE a day from you.
    
    
22. While we are at it...Can you PLEASE not tweet that you just took your 482nd mugshot? Is it possible to turn that "tweet it" feature off? DO IT if so.
    
    
23. RT. ReTweet. ReTweeting: Look, just say RT. We know what it means now. There is only 140 characters to utilize. There is NO need to fill them up if avoidable. Simplicity IS beautiful.
    
    
24. While RT'ing someone, feel free to change up the wording. Just make sure you credit where you got it from. Via @Such'NSuch, -@JoeBlow or ~@YoMama are totally acceptable forms of attribution, in my book. (Hey! I AM the one writing this crap. What I say goes.)
    
    
25. Do NOT believe that EVERY @username is a real acct. Sometimes, in the "Twitterverse" "Twitterland" "whatever blah blah" we come up with fake Twitter handles. This is simply to reinforce the Twitter fortress walls which are key to our protection from such silly entities like Facebook (aka FB or #FB)

So really, I felt 25 rules were enough for ONE post. I will need to work out the other two in Vol. 2 and Vol. 3.

Look, these are just my points of view and by no means should be held in any regard as "actual Twitter rules".
Please see Twitter.com for that.

I am an opinionist. That is what I do. Give my opinion.

Stand by for volume #2 & #3, if you give an 'F'.

-Alonis